Home -- English -- Colossians -- 046 (The Place of Wives and Husbands; Background 2)
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COLOSSIANS - Christ in you, the hope of glory!
Studies in the Letter of Paul to the Colossians
Part 4 - The New Life and Daily Living (Colossians 3:18 - 4:1)
20. The Place of Wives and Husbands In the Family (Colossians 3:18-19)
Colossians 3:18-19
18 Wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be bitter against them.
Whoever is knowledgeable of the laws of religion and government will recognize that the problems and rights of husband and wife in the home and at work represent some of the most important matters in any culture. In numerous countries of the world, it is possible to hypothetically speak of the troubles between the sexes as a “running-battle”. Neither husband nor wife chooses to submit, but rather, each wants to be free and practice self-determination over what he or she does, as well as have determination over what the other should do.
For a period of time and during the last days even the antichrist will be steered by the attractive “whore of Babylon” until she is - with a single blow, annihilated (Rev. 13:1-19:4).
Background 2 - Husband and Wife in Marriage in the Old and New Testament
In and of himself the unmarried Paul did not want to settle the highly-charged problems in relationship between husband and wife. Rather, he wanted to order marriage according to the record of creation. He indirectly described his instructions as being a reflection of the basic order of the Creator, in the midst of a thoroughly confused creation. Whoever desires to understand the precise words of the apostle will need to carefully read and consider the first chapters of the Bible. Afterwards, if he really wants peace and strength for himself and his family, he will need to begin living accordingly.
In Genesis 1:27 we read: “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them”. By so doing the Creator created both man and woman in His own image. Both are, in like manner, to become mirror-images of His love and holiness. This illuminates the fact that God is, in accordance with a biological understanding of these words, neither man nor woman. Much more, God is Spirit, Light and Love (John 4:24; 1 John 1:5; 4:16). Therein is revealed what the God-likeness in man and woman is to consist of.
Furthermore, we read in Genesis 1:28: “Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves in the earth.”
Following the reception of divine blessing, husband and wife collectively were charged with filling the earth with their descendants, subjecting nature, along with establishing rule over both animal and plant life. This description of duty contained within it an understanding that the sex-potential of husband and wife constituted a merciful gift of God from Paradise. This gift, however, was conditioned on both recognizing their sense of duty to exercise this potential within marriage. They were deemed worthy to pass on the life entrusted to them in the creation. For an evaluation of these creation principles we read: “Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good” (Gen. 1:31). Therein, the Creator also declared the marvellous existence of husband and wife to be very good (Gen. 1:31).
In the continuing report of creation, we recognize details in regard to the development of this relationship between husband and wife. “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being… Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” (Gen. 2:7; 15-17).
The man created by the Lord God to become a living soul also received the commission to cultivate and preserve the garden of paradise. The only condition was that he not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and of evil. The man knew God, his creator, as “the one who is good”. But in the event he also wanted to know and open himself to “the one who is evil”, he would have to die (Gen. 2:7-17), for the wages of sin is death (Rom. 6:23).
We read further in Gen. 2:18: “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” This exciting text testifies that no man is complete in himself, but rather, that he needs a helper to surround and supplement him. No man can beget children by himself. Without women there would be no mankind today. Therefore, the woman is irreplaceable. Now and then she is described as “the better half”. She is also the companion and advocate of her husband, with whom he shares his joy and sadness.
The fundamental word of God in Genesis 2:18 also contains the clearly-set limits of marriage. The Lord said the man needed one partner and helpmate, not two, three or four, as some religions feel their revelations dictate. Where a man takes to himself two or more wives, he attacks the will of God and commits adultery (Sura Al-Nisa´ 4:3).
In Genesis 2:22 we read about the creation of woman: “Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Gen. 2:22-25).
The creation of woman is described in the Bible as a further development of man. From the rib of man, the Lord God made a woman that had different hair, different hips, as well as a graceful equipping to become a mother. Thereby, she represented a higher development of the man – a life-preserving, sensitive woman, who often possessed more emotions, feelings, pragmatism and sense for reality than her counterpart, such that he would do well to listen to her council.
We read in Genesis 2:23: And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Adam was enthralled with his wife and totally in love with her. He described her as a man-like and heroic woman, having equal rights to him. In his eyes she was not higher and not lower than he himself. Rather, she was one who corresponded to his own likeness – both in flesh and bone. She was and is his tangible and ideal counterpart. Rabbis sometimes teach that God did not create woman from a foot of Adam´s – that he might not tread on her. Neither was she created from a bone of his head – that she might not exalt herself over him or rule over him. Rather, she was created from his rib – that she might stand on the same level with him, always at his side.
Following the enthusiastic outcry of Adam, the Bible further proclaims: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).
In thousands of books and films, efforts have been made to portray this mysterious and powerful sentence as one dramatic love story. A real love between representatives of the two sexes, however, sits much deeper than psychologists can explain, and remains more profound than companies can ever play on to advertise their products. Erotic love, too, remains in its essence a heavenly and delightful power. In spite of its defilement, since man´s fall into sin, it still retains an immense and radiant power, possessing a forceful and uniting influence.
Unfortunately, in various cultural circles today, young married couples are bound to the family of the husband. Though the protection they receive from his clan is to their advantage, the young wife is forced to remain subservient to her mother-in-law, so that a comprehensive uniting together of husband and wife becomes hardly possible. Innumerable tribes and clans need to practice repentance at this point, so that their children can become free to establish their own households. When this happens they will joyously return to visit and honour their parents, as well as to help them.
The sexual union of the married couple does not just represent the delightful privilege and right to love, which need be respectfully practiced, but also includes the emotional and intellectual union of the two. In spite of all tensions and differences, a marriage is a unity, as well as the foundation of a healthy culture. Wherever this unity is brought into question, through other religions or ideologies, a godless and evil spirit is at work trying to destroy the preserved order of creation.
The Bible courageously confesses that the young and newly-married couple were undressed, yet unashamed of their nudity, for God Himself had brought them together. Where a marriage has been prepared by God and the pair has united, there exists a hope of peace and harmony as well as a growth and deepening of their love with increasing age.
The Bible is down-to-earth. It describes the married couple´s fall into sin as a result of the clever temptation of Satan. He wanted to dismember the marriage and kill the two “likenesses” of God. The German word for marriage, “EHE”, describes with its three letters the mystery of a happy marriage: the Lord (Herr) holds the two Egoists together in His love and forgiveness! In essence, a blessed marriage does not consist of just two persons, but three, for the Lord has locked Himself into this marriage covenant by way of His grace. Satan wanted to violently convulse the trust the two had in their LORD. By so doing, he wanted to destroy their marriage.
1 Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, `You shall not eat of every tree of the garden`?” 2 And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; 3 “but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, `You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.´”4 And the serpent said to the woman, “You shall not surely die. 5 For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate (Gen. 3:1-6).
Satan first tempted Eve, step-by-step destroying her trust in the goodness and love of her Creator. Adam had previously declared to her that she was not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, or else she would die (Gen. 3:2-3). Satan, however, was quick to maintain that it was not so! God is an egoist and a liar! In the event they ate from this tree, they would not die. Much more, they themselves would become like God, knowing and ruling over all things.
The event leading to the fall of man into sin is often described as being the first marital contact between Adam and Eve. This, however, is a primeval error! This temptation did not deal with love and sex, but with the recognition of God, “the One who is good”, and Satan, “the one who is evil”. Both the newly married knew their Creator God to be good. Satan, however, desired that they should also open themselves up to his spirit, to his cunning, his lie, and to his striving to be equal to God. They were not only to learn and understand evil; they were to become evil themselves.
The evil one, as Jesus described Satan (Matt. 6:13), did not direct his attention toward the critical, intellectual Adam, but toward Eve, the sensitive and trusting one. She appeared not to have the gift of spiritual discernment and had gotten a longing for an all encompassing wisdom - which was the terminology the evil one used to describe his “web of lies”. Jesus called him the father of lies and a murderer from the beginning (John 8:44).
The woman opened herself to the lies of the evil one and came to regard the Creator as an egoist, liar and deceiver. She herself held on to the desire to be wise and clever, like the Almighty. Craving the forbidden fruit, she took it, bit into it, and gave it to her returning-home husband, so that he, too, might share in the new knowledge and responsibility. Listening to her, and then wanting to test the revelations of Satan, he let himself be deceived by his wife.
After they had both trusted Satan and mistrusted God, their eyes were opened. They immediately recognized their nudity. Their spiritual fall away from God burdened and perverted their own physical capacity. They both hid themselves in fear of the approaching God.
9 Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” 11 And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?” 12 Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” (Gen. 3:9-12)
When the Lord called Adam and his wife out of their hiding place and discovered that they had eaten from the forbidden fruit, the man attempted to betray his wife. Indirectly, he was charging God with having given him a wife that seduced him.
13 And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” 14 So the Lord said to the serpent: “Because you have done this, you are cursed more than all cattle, and more than every beast of the field; on your belly you shall go, and you shall eat dust all the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; He shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise His heel.” (Gen. 3:13-15)
Asked of God why she had done this, the woman, like her husband, refused to confess her guilt. Rather, she charged the snake with having deceived her. The serpent, as the summation of all evil, was condemned to a miserable existence. Furthermore, it was prophesied to the snake that the seed of the woman would be authorized to crush his head. In turn, he would kill (bruise) the seed of the woman with his poison. In these words of the Lord´s judgment, there is no talk of a descendant of Adam, but rather, of the unique descendant of the woman, who would go on to annihilate the original source of all evil. Without the promised Descendant of the woman, who was begotten of the Spirit of God, there would be no redemption from the power of Satan.
16 To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain you shall bring forth children; your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
The woman´s punishment, as well as her protection from Satan´s seduction, contained a two-pronged judgment of God: Her pregnancy would involve toil and tribulation, and in pain she would bring forth children. Today, the reaction of women to this judgment of God is called birth-control tablets or the abortion of hundreds of thousands of embryos. This rebellion of woman against the word of God makes her a participant in an ongoing mass-murder, which is said to account for 300,000 abortions each year in Germany. In India it is claimed the number climbs to 40 million!
Furthermore, God told the woman that she would no longer be able to master her life alone. Instead, her desire would be for her husband. Yet this one would not just show love toward her, but also rule over her! (Eph. 5:23; 1Tim. 2:12) This ordinance of God is the cause of what can often be hypothetically described as a small-scale battle between the sexes.
Jesus neither repeated nor confirmed this penal sentence of the Old Testament. Fundamentally, he overcame it when He said: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35). These fundamental words of Jesus in His new law are not just for church assemblies, but also for believing marriage partners. When husband and wife are in Christ the duties and burdens of marriage are decisively influenced and lightened.
A husband who has been enlivened by the love of Jesus will not harshly rule over or subjugate his wife, let alone force or beat her until she is forcibly subjected to him, as is described in Sura al-Nisa´ 4:34. Instead, he will love and honour her, seek to understand and support her, bless and serve her. Paul writes: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Eph. 5:25-33). Accordingly, and in understanding of the love of Christ, the wife is to submit to her husband, while the husband is to offer himself for his wife and the mother of his children, just as Jesus offered Himself up for the church. What is easier – to submit oneself, or to offer oneself up?
The submission of a wife to her spouse is not a bitter duty, for Jesus, too, of His own free will, submitted Himself to His Father, for He loved and trusted Him. In His prayers in the Garden of Gethsemane, He revealed how this submission was to cause in Him a very real life-and-death battle. Nevertheless, He submitted Himself unconditionally to the will of His Father. In so doing, He won the most comprehensive victory in all of history (Matt. 26:38-44). At the very beginning of His ministry He had said: “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work” (John 4:34). He had intimately revealed His character to His disciples and advised them to follow His example: “…learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matt. 11_29-30). True love submits itself to the one loved without many words. This is a natural occurrence so long as the love of God rules in a heart. Here is also revealed the mystery of the Holy Trinity. Jesus submitted Himself to the will of His Father. Furthermore, the Holy Spirit does not glorify Himself, but Jesus. Therefore, the Father gave the Son all power and authority in heaven and on earth, while the Lamb of God leaves the Holy Spirit to build up the church, His spiritual body. All of this happens in complete harmony, as well as in mutual submission, trust and love.
An understanding of the humble Trinity helps us also to comprehend the advice of Paul to the wife: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24).
Whoever contemplates this text passage will also find a revolutionary formulation in the verse preceding it: “Submitting to one another in the fear of God!” This verse demands that, even before the special duties of husband and wife are enumerated, both are to submit to one another in the love of Christ. Christianity is a religion of humility, both for husbands and for wives. When this foundational position is recognized, the entire descriptions of the Apostle Paul relating to the home become clear.
Yet where the love of God is not embedded in the hearts of married spouses, the spiritual order of creation can turn into a bitter burden. Nevertheless, where two spouses become angered and put off with each other, the way is still clear for reconciliation and forgiveness. In one tribe in Africa, the method for starting reconciliation occurs when the more reasonable of the two quarrelers begins to say, “I am dumb! I made a mistake!” Then the other is to join in: I, too, am dumb! I also made a mistake!” The wisest of the two then says: “I am the dumbest! I´m the one with the greater error! Forgive me”, whereby the other is to reply: “I, too, need a basket full of forgiveness!” Following that they can again embrace and kiss. True love is able to humble itself greatly.
Today, in modern industrial countries and in accordance with socialistic principles, the equal rights of women and putting her on par with man go hand-in-hand. She is placed in business positions, administration, political offices and even in the military, so that she can be “equal” to man. Thereby, she earns her own money and is no longer financially dependent upon her husband. In many countries during the last century, girls received the same school education as boys. That is desirable, as well as indispensable. But when the woman can no longer be, in the first instance, a mother, but is shoved into the stress of a career, the life of the family either grows shallow or breaks up entirely. Children are then locked up in socialistic or spiritually dead kindergartens, all-day schools or even boarding schools, where they will grow up without the love of their parents.
Furthermore, in recent times the living standard of many families has become so high that the income of the husband is no longer enough to meet all the costs and satisfy the demands of all the family members. Thus there is no other way but that the wife, too, is forced to go out and earn money. That leads to the further decay of society and to the soulless development of youth.
In the midst of such profound social restructuring, we need to once again consider, pray-through and practice the recommendations and commands of the Apostle Paul. The answer is to be found in the command of Christ: “Love one another as I love you” – along with all that this demands of us!
Prayer: Father in heaven, we thank you for the order of creation, and that you put at the side of the man you created a helpmate. You further gifted both of them for passing on the life you entrusted to them. Help those who are “married in the name of Jesus” to sincerely love and serve one another, supplement one another, as well as to mutually submit to one another in the humility and meekness of Christ. Forgive the many abortions and divorces of our day and please allow the marriages to become small gardens of paradise in the Spirit of Jesus. Amen.
Question 47: Which verses of the Bible that describe the relationship between husband and wife appear to you as the most important?
End of Background II